Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Natural Mother
I think there are some people who are just "natural" when it comes to motherhood and then there are those who have to learn and take it day by day. I am definitely the second of the two. Don't get me wrong - this doesn't mean I don't love it but I find it very difficult. I often see women and have a lot of friends who make it look so easy and I know that it isn't for them either but they have this "grace" about it. I feel like a bull in a china shop when it comes to motherhood - lots of oops, crying, overanalyzing myself, being to hard on myself and probably not enjoying the little things as much as I should. I find myself getting jealous fairly often of Elleri's lovingness of Adam and her nanny Olga. I know that she loves me but I also know that she views me as the authority figure - the person who tells her "no" way more than she wants to. The person who has the discipline her and teach her right from wrong. Olga and Adam do as well but not to the degree or as much as I do. I take my role as a parent very seriously (probably too seriously sometimes) and know that God has given me this task of guiding and shaping Elleri into a good person. I can remember when I was younger having this "father/daughter" bond with my dad (we still do) and I viewed my mom as the "person in charge". Didn't mean I loved my dad more - it was just different. I still have that relationship with my dad but with my mom it is different. She is my advisor, my therapist and my best friend. I pray that Elleri will say these things of me one day.
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5 comments:
You know, I wonder if I'll be a natural mother or not. I'm terrified it won't come naturally. Then what?
I'm sure it's the hardest job you can ever have, but it's also the most rewarding. And I'm sure you're doing a fantastic job of being Elleri's mother. I'm just sure of it!
Awww...thanks Bethany. I most definitely think you'll be a great mother. My biggest thing is that I'm too hard on myself and overthink things. I've got to learn to relax & enjoy the small things (she's growing up too fast).
Hope you are feeling great!
It's funny - my parents roles in my life were the same!
I was just having a conversation with a stranger/fellow mommy on vacation about these very things - how hard we are on ourselves about being the best for our children, whether it's trying to keep them safe, getting them to eat veggies or wondering if we should give them crayons, haha - at times every single detail seems to be humongous! I am definitely my own worst enemy! Worrying is part of the job, but we should relax more and be proud of what we've accomplished so far - look at Elleri now and think about all that you've done to get her to this point! At the end of the day, it's just about being yourself and loving her any and every way... after all, our moms were the firm hands in our lives and look at how we view them now! You are doing great - we ALL do it differently - and that's absolutely O-K! (I keep reminding myself of this!) :)
LOVE YOU!
Thanks sweet Amy. Your words always mean so much. More than you know.
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